“Where does the time go?”

 A common phrase. A consistent question. When a little one grows up before your eyes, people commonly chime in “where does the time go?” 

I realize it’s more of a surface level question, basically stating “your child is growing so quickly! How could that be?!” We all know that time surely does fly.

However, when you are living your life after your baby has passed away, before they got to really live a life of their own, you see where all the time goes quite easily. 

When your arms are empty, you see that gifted time play out not only in your own home but from afar, through the window into other families’ lives. 

You see that gift of time in the little boy riding his bike in the driveway. In the little girl selling lemonade. In the high school graduations. In the shared hobbies. In the hugs shared between a parent and child. In the special adventures and family trips. 

You see that gift of time in the twinkle of a little eye when they discover their favorite song to bop along to. In their clapping for “more” at their favorite snack. In the tears when they don’t want the swing to stop, telling you “more!” with their big and passionate expressions. 

The gift of time goes into all of these special and beloved moments of living a life. A life you wish you had gotten to live with your child.

To see it played out on park swings that you wish you were putting your child on yourself is excruciating to experience. The pain is not always in noticeable tears or cries on the surface where others can see and feel it, but it’s buried deep down within you. (And sometimes, it comes out flowing in heartfelt words like these). 

Time is a difficult thing to grasp.

When you’ve buried your child you have a front row seat to how fleeting and NOT guaranteed it all really is. Most people find it very unpleasant to sit with that very true statement.

It does make pretty clear sense to me that parents with living children are sad when special milestones and moments have faded into memories before their very eyes. I am here to share that it’s okay to be sad when a season transitions to the next. But it’s also very important to be grateful. I am also here to remind us all, myself included, to hang on tight and cherish each moment we are given. Not everyone gets the same gift of time in life with their littles. Not everyone gets to see one season transition to the next. 

If you are wondering where “time” goes, my guess is a bereaved parent can help explain it in a perspective that they wish they didn’t have but also, maybe that perspective is one of the biggest gifts from their angel’s life, too. Parenthood is a journey through bittersweet. I think we can all agree on that. And if you are a bereaved parent, know that I see you and am sending massive bandaids for those cuts in your life that when you witness them, they just burn so very deep - always unexpectedly popping up to remind you of the loss of your beloved child. When you see someone innocently share “time is a thief!” know that I see you and know that you would give anything for those moments of time to have even existed once with your child.

And to you, reader, thank you for being in this space and opening up your heart to new ideas, perspective and love. No matter where these words find you in your story or journey, I pray that strength, comfort, grace, goodness, light and love find you on your path through this day and the next. I pray that through life you make space for the hard moments, cherish the simple moments and savor the joyful memories that you are blessed to call yours. I pray that even after all you’ve been through, you look to the future with strength, hope, love and gratitude. I pray that you view time for what it truly is…an absolutely fleeting gift.